Artificial Harmony: Why Leaders Must Speak Up (and Shut Up) Wisely
Breaking the Silence and Finding the Right Voice
We’ve all seen it: in meetings, everyone nods in agreement, but after leaving the room the real opinions start to flow. This is artificial harmony in action – a false peace where professionals stay quiet to avoid rocking the boat. On the surface it looks like consensus; underneath, it’s a simmering stew of unspoken disagreements and frustration. The CEO or leader thinks everything is fine, when in reality it's not.
Why do smart executives hold back when they should speak up? Often it's fear – fear of conflict, fear of being labelled a troublemaker, or fear of reprisal. It feels safer to stay silent, or to grumble in private later.
Yet avoiding disagreement altogether isn’t a solution. Preserving harmony at all costs can actually stifle healthy debate. Over time, a lack of honest conversation erodes trust and holds back progress.
At the same time, the opposite approach – arguing against everything – is equally counterproductive. No organisation is perfect, and no decision is either. In any business, people debate options, disagree at times, and eventually must decide. If you fight every decision tooth and nail, you’ll exhaust yourself and everyone around you. Not every hill is worth dying on.
So, where’s the balance? It comes down to knowing when and how to have those courageous conversations – and when to bite your tongue. In my leadership workshops I often introduce the acronym W.A.I.T. – “Why Am I Talking?” This simple question is a brilliant self-check. Before you chime in, ask yourself why you feel compelled to speak. Are you adding value, or just adding noise? Successful leaders learn that sometimes the most impactful thing to say is nothing at all. In fact, a well-timed pause can let silence do the heavy lifting – inviting others to contribute or giving an idea time to settle.
Paradoxically, senior leaders often make more impact when they shut up – no eye-rolling, no defensive fidgeting, just attentive silence. It may feel counter-intuitive for those who built their career on speaking up and taking charge, but learning to hold your tongue at times can actually amplify your influence.
Brussels Airport Friday evening
On the flip side, when the stakes are high and your input truly matters, that’s when you must find the courage to speak up. The key is to do it with respect, timing, and purpose. One personal experience stands out for me. Two decades ago, in my corporate years, I was meeting a new boss, and we met late one Friday at Brussels Airport. He was about to catch a flight to Zurich. I decided this was the moment to be completely candid. I laid out my true vision and strategy for our business, and explained why I disagreed with the current approach. I barely knew him – a risk that could have backfired. But I chose my moment carefully and spoke one-on-one. The result? It turned the situation around. My boss appreciated the honesty and insight. From that day, we built a close working relationship, and he sought my input for years afterwards. If I had stayed quiet, I would have missed the opportunity to build trust and improve our strategy.
Management Team Meeting
Contrast that with another scenario I observed: a management team who nodded along with their CEO’s plan in meetings, only to complain at the coffee machine afterwards. They disagreed with her decisions but never voiced their concerns in the forum where it actually mattered. This is artificial harmony at its worst, and that kind of behaviour only breeds frustration without change. Venting behind the leader’s back changes nothing – by then decisions are made and momentum is set. Complaining in private is a poor substitute for real influence. My advice to managers is simple: either you speak up when the moment is right, or you fully support the decision, you shut up and you move on. Rolling your eyes in silence helps no one. You either influence the outcome, or you accept it; doing neither is a recipe for cynicism and dysfunction.
The craft of leadership communication lies in learning to be very selective about when to speak and when to listen. Speak up when you can genuinely improve the outcome or uphold a core value. Hold back when the issue is trivial, when emotions are running high and nothing productive will come of airing it, or when someone else’s voice needs to be heard more than yours. Remember, we talk not just to hear our own voices, but to make a positive impact. If you’re not achieving that, it may be time to W.A.I.T. and reconsider.
If you find yourself constantly biting your tongue on issues that deeply matter to you, and you consistently disagree with your company’s direction to the point that your values feel compromised, then you have a bigger decision to make. No one should live in a perpetual state of suppressed frustration. Either find a constructive way to address the core issues, or it might be time to ask whether you’re in the right organisation at all. Sometimes the most courageous conversation you can have is an honest chat with yourself about your fit and your future. Please look in the mirror, there's your answer.
Leadership is about having the right word at the right time
Leadership isn’t about having the last word; it’s about having the right word at the right time – and just as often, knowing when to say nothing. Break the habit of artificial harmony by fostering real dialogue on the matters that count, while letting go of the things that don’t. Encourage open, respectful debate in your team, and model it by practising what I call “selective candour” – bravery when it counts, humility when it doesn’t.
Hopefully this inspires you to strike that delicate balance: to speak up with courage when it truly matters, and to embrace the power of silence when it doesn’t.
Paul P.J. Donkers
Paul P.J. Donkers is a global business coach and management consultant. Together with his partners at tèn company, he has spent decades working with leadership teams to navigate transformations and unlock sustainable value. You can find out more about their work at tencompany.org or through the Ikigai Coaching Institute. For a confidential conversation, feel free to reach out via This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
