Don’t Let a Bad Boss Drain You
I’ve run into my share of bullying bosses. In the moment it felt brutal; in hindsight it became priceless classroom time. One manager simply couldn’t manage himself. Whenever pressure spiked, he’d let rip—volume up, temper down, eyes blazing—and I became his target of choice. Sound familiar? Most of us meet at least one of these characters on the corporate circuit.
I wish I could hand you a silver-bullet cure, but leadership headaches rarely come with aspirin. So let’s focus on what you control.
1. Stick to the facts
Before you spiral, test your reality. Confide in two people who are 100 % trustworthy and uninvolved. Ask:
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Is what I’m experiencing true bullying?
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How bad—on a 1-10 scale—does this look to you?
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Should I toughen up or is a line being crossed?
Their outside lens keeps you from drowning in your own emotions. When the boss erupts, stay calm and factual: “Let’s resume this conversation once we’ve both cooled down.”
2. Put on the psychologist’s hat
Is the behavior aimed only at you or is everyone fair game? Zoom out. Maybe your boss is under the gun from above, or maybe the culture rewards chest-beating. Nobody’s all villain or all hero. See the whole person, the wider system.
3. Speak up—directly
Yes, it takes courage, but telling your boss how their blow-ups land on you can flip the script. I’ve done it; I’ve watched clients do it. Sometimes the dynamic changes on the spot. Even if it doesn’t, you’ll have reclaimed your voice.
4. Look in the mirror
Hard truth: we’re quicker to spot others’ flaws than our own. Ask yourself if you’re unknowingly pouring fuel on the fire. Growth starts with brutal self-honesty.
5. Know your rights
If lines are being bulldozed, document everything. Confirm with those two objective allies that you’re not overreacting, then take the dossier to HR.
6. Remember your agency
A great boss can turbo-charge your growth; a toxic one can siphon your joy. If you’ve tried the steps above and nothing shifts, move on. Life’s too short to spend under someone else’s storm cloud.
7. Protect your engine
Guard the basics: sleep, exercise, time with people who light you up, and hobbies that recharge you. Winning at work means keeping the rest of your life alive.
Ready to reclaim your power at work?
Let’s talk. My partners and I have spent decades helping leaders turn pressure into performance. Drop me a line at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. for a confidential conversation or visit www.tencompany.org to see how we can help you lead—and live—with more value.
Stay strong,
Paul Donkers
Global business coach & management consultant
More on our projects: www.tencompany.org | www.ikigaicoachinginstitute.com
Hope this sparks action.
